To My Dearest Halobacter Pylori:
I hope the rapture finds you well.As I and my men are amongst those who have been "Left Behind," and I do not intend to confuse you by using the name of a popular series of so-called penny dreadfuls, nor, the motion-picture-move-soundie staring the most right honorable Ser Nicolas Cage, D.D.S, but rather to simply state that my colleague, General Philip Bartholomew Johnson Jackson Johnson, has left myself and my most beleaguered regiment, behind.
Some small fortune does find us, as Jesus is here with me. He will not, however, cease pontification, which I find most vexesome, as I would very much like to get some sleep.
Yours truly,
General Horatio Vaccinia Cornburns
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